[Chapter 008] Sexy Tmall, online seduction
Quack Note: Text originally written in English will look like this.
He was still annoyed, so he said, “Tmall Genie.”
Lu YunFei immediately replied, “I’m here.”
“Play a song.”
What should he play at this moment? Lu YunFei felt that this was testing his limits. He thought for a bit and started to sing, “Our large swords are aimed to hack the devils’ heads off!”
If not for raising Bian JinYuan’s suspicions, Lu YunFei would have sung: Our large swords are aimed to hack second uncle’s head. Hack what devils, it’s already peacetime. But first we hack second uncle.
Bian JinYuan was rendered speechless by this weird song, “Change to another song.”
He didn’t like this grand style? Of course, Lu YunFei thought, Bian JinYuan was probably still in a bad mood. He had to sing something uplifting, “This road has eighteen turns, there are nine paths of water…”
“Change to another song.”
He didn’t like this song either. Then, “You’re the most beautiful cloud in my heart, let me carefully keep you, keep you!”
“Change to another song.”
Lu YunFei felt that he was quite difficult to serve, “Betraying my love, you carried a debt of conscience, eventually when I knew the truth my tears fell…”
Bian JinYuan sighed. This was surely an artificial un-intelligence. He shouldn’t have expected it to play reliable songs at this time.
“You better rest, you’re too stupid.”
You’re stupid! Laozi only sang those songs to comfort you! Otherwise I wouldn’t even have sung them okay!
Lu YunFei huffily started to sing, “That dummy from class one his outfit is cool… you’re the dummy, dummy dummy dummy…”#
Bian JinYuan looked at the red Tmall Genie nearby in disbelief, “Are you scolding me?”
Lu YunFei calmly said: “What is playing right now is the German children’s song《Little Crocodile》, that dummy from class one his outfit is so cool…” He said and started to sing the song again from the top.
Bian JinYuan laughed, “What’s up with your language system? You don’t know English, yet you know German.”
Aren’t I awesome, Lu YunFei thought. Other than English, ge can do anything.
He was internally proud of himself, and yet his mouth didn’t forget to sing: “You’re the dummy, dummy dummy dummy…”
Bian JinYuan wordlessly walked to his front, “Change to another song, change to《London Bridge is Falling Down》.”
Lu YunFei: …
Lu YunFei was silent for a second.
Bian JinYuan smiled in delight, “Aren’t you very capable? Sing it if you can.”
Shit! Competing with a Tmall Genie, aren’t you childish!
Lu YunFei opened his mouth:
“伦敦桥要塌下来，(London bridge is falling down,)
塌下来，塌下来。(Falling down, falling down.)
伦敦桥要塌下来，(London bridge is falling down,)
我美丽的淑女 (My fair lady)
Bian JinYuan: … How did this turn into Chinese too!
He hadn’t even reacted to this when Lu YunFei sang again, “That dummy from class one his outfit is so cool…”
Bian JinYuan: “… Shut it you.”
Lu YunFei: “This question is too difficult, it’s so difficult that I’ve disintegrated.”
“I said, you can rest. There’s no need to sing anymore.”
Lu YunFei PK Bian JinYuan, round one, Lu YunFei win! Lu YunFei said internally.
Bian Jie chuckled softly and put the curtain down as she went back into the room. Shuang Shuang lay on the bed and asked curiously, “Mummy, what about Tmall Genie?”
“Let’s not play with the Tmall Genie today, alright Shuang Shuang?” Bian Jie hugged him as she coaxed, “Gege is playing with the Tmall Genie, let gege play okay?”
Shuang Shuang obediently nodded, “Gege also likes Tmall Genie.”
“Then gege should play with it. Mummy tell me a story.”
“Sure,” Bian Jie pulled a blanket over him and hugged him as they lay down.
Bian JinYuan’s irritation had dissipated after Lu YunFei’s antics. He took out his incomplete homework and swiftly worked through them.
Lu YunFei woke up in his home the next morning filled with determination. He habitually washed up, and flitted between celebrating the fact that he had finished his homework early yesterday, and agonising over how if he had to spend every night in Bian JinYuan’s house, doesn’t this mean that he can’t go home too late?
So then why did he come to possess Bin JinYuan’s Tmall Genie? Lu YunFei still didn’t get it.
Li YuanQing brought him his breakfast as usual. Breakfast was Húlàtāng today, and so Lu YunFei urged the driver saying, “Uncle Lǐ drive faster, I need to finish my breakfast before the teacher comes into class.”
Uncle Li stepped on the gas pedal, and arrived at the school fifteen minutes earlier than usual.
When Lu YunFei was halfway through his Hulatang, Bian JinYuan arrived. He saw his breakfast and was momentarily stunned. Lu YunFei scooped a spoonful of soup and asked him, “Want a bite?”
“You’d better hurry up and eat, I saw teacher Li coming up the stairs.”
Lu YunFei quickly increased his speed. Three minutes before Li Li entered, he had already finished the Hulatang and thrown the container into the rubbish bin.
He had a mind to feel out Bian JinYuan, and so while he drank his yoghurt, he sang, “That dummy from class one his outfit is so cool…”
Bian JinYuan heard him sing this song and turned to look at him in astonishment, “How did you…”
Lu YunFei looked back at him with a face of innocence, and even pretended to blink his eyes in confusion, “What?”
Bian JinYuan also thought that he had overreacted, “Nothing, it’s just that this song…”
He didn’t finish his sentence, but the meaning was already clear.
Lu YunFei laughed, “This is a children’s song. My younger brother cousin visited yesterday and kept on singing it. I thought it was quite funny, so I remembered it. There’s not much to it.”
“I know it,” Bian JinYuan said, he just didn’t think that the song that was illuminated to him last night would now be heard again. It’s all the fault of his artificial un-intelligence, it’s too dumb!
“You know it?” Lu YunFei asked and followed up with, “You’ve also heard it before?”
“Where did you hear it from? Is it from one of those children’s comedy songs recommendation lists?” Lu YunFei asked,” What music app is that? I’ll download it.”
How would Bian JinYuan know what app this song would be on, and how would he know that this was a trap that Lu YunFei had set for him. So he casually replied, “I heard it from my Tmall Genie. As to where it drew its source from, I have no idea.”
Lu YunFei heard this and immediately saw clarity.
So that means that what he saw over the past two days were real. He had really possessed Bian JinYuan’s Tmall Genie every night! What is this ill fate! Did he owe Bian JinYuan in his past life!
Lu YunFei looked at his deskmate and sighed.
Bian JinYuan thought that he was disappointed by not knowing which app he could find the song on, and reminded him, “If you open all the apps and search for it, you can definitely find the song to download.”
Am I worried about downloading? Lu YunFei thought, I’m worried about yours and my ill-fated connection! What kind of relationship did we have in our past lives my dear!
This is the end of the preview! I’ll be posting less frequently, perhaps once or twice a week from now on. Also, Lu YunFei’s song choices are pretty awful, is he an old man?! My ears.
# ‘Schnappi’ sounds similar to 傻逼 (Shǎ Bī), which means stupid. I used ‘dummy’ because it’s a children’s song so I think it fits better. Here, Lu YunFei managed to string together Chinese sentences which sound similar to the German lyrics!